"What the hell!!!" out comes another loud shriek. These shrieks have become commonplace in last few weeks because the internet at my home disconnects every now and then. And it happens mostly on Friday nights when I am trying to stream some movie over Youtube. I complained to my loving landlady but she would not care to call the service provider. So I here I am cut-off from the world and humming "Main aur meri tanhai aksar ye baat karte hain...". Nothing bums you more when internet does not work while you are trying to watch a movie. "How about watching a movie on the hard-drive?" comes another viable alternative. Hmmm... that's not an option. Well, I have seen the movies on the hard-drive countless number of times. So much so that I even know the dialogues of some and worse still I even remember the next frame to the current frame that is playing. It's 8:30 pm and I have no plans of going out. I am one of those people who prefer to stay at home on Friday evenings. Anyways I am too boring and unappealing to girls so going to pubs and bars is a futile activity.
"Where is this life headed, dude? What are you doing here so far away from home?" comes the inner voice. "Please let me be. I am tired from a busy week. I am sick of the same questions again and again", that's my way of dodging my inner voice's questions. The usual inner commotion ensues but I have no mental strength left to think any more. I eventually doze-off.
"What is Ma doing? Is she in kitchen? No, she is not in kitchen. Is she in her bed room sleeping? No, she ins't there either. Is she in the varendah? Where is she? Where is Papa? Where is his watch? Is he not at home? Has he gone to the ashram? What time is it? It's 10:00 pm. Then why is nobody at home today? Everybody is at home at 10 in the night. Is Ma okay? Is Papa okay? Where are they. Please, someone, someone please tell me where are Ma and Papa.Why is it so dark here? Can someone switch on the lights?", and I finally woke up from another fearful dream where I am not able to find Ma and Papa at home. A dream where I do not know where they are and if they are well. Another nightmare, I wish happens to no one.
Its 9:30 pm now. I see the lights on the router beaming which meant that the internet connectivity was back. I am still sobering up from the nightmare. I want to call Ma and Papa. It is Saturday morning in India. I call Ma but she is not picking up her phone. I call Papa but I get the message in a melodious voice from a lady, "The person whom you are calling is currently busy. Please hold the line or call later". I bet this lady maybe 50 years old now as I have been hearing her voice since eternity. Even though I could not speak to him but I was relieved that he was speaking to someone. Let's get to the movie then. It's amazing how the mind changes it's state so quickly.
I boot the laptop. Another gmail check. No new email...As I am reading down the already read list of the emails I see email from "Pooja Goyal". Did I give her time tonight to speak for the matrimonial proposal? Yes it looks like from the emails. What time is it supposed to happen? 12:00 pm IST. "Good God, Who kept this ungodly time for a call?", another pathetic plea from inner voice. But who set the time, dumb head. You only dearest GG. "Leave it. Do not call her. Its just another proposal which will go nowhere. Girl is nicely settled in India and that to in Delhi. She will never come to US and surely not for a guy like you...", says the inner voice. "But I gave her time. I must speak to her, for her sake, for her parent's sake, for my parent's word and for my own word. I can't back out now", comes the reply from the modern day Yudhishter. "Even if nothing materializes, I must attend the call for professional reasons. I work in a world class company and I have imbibed certain qualities. So, I must keep up the standards even if my interaction happens for personal reasons.", comes another set of mere-asol-mere-adarsh inflated words. "I warned you, but you just won't listen.", the inner voice gives up.
Meanwhile Papa calls up. His voice is always so comforting and calm but today it meant much more. He asks if I was able to reach out to Pooja. I tell him that we are slated to speak tonight. "Papa, the internet is intermittently stops working. I am not sure if it will hold up during the call with her?", I tell him the problem. "So what will you do?" Papa enquirers. "Should I go to the office, then?", I suggest a solution. "Haan, that will work. Office internet should be reliable enough.", Papa shoots back. That got approved faster than shooting down of my pleas of not pursuing any more matrimonial proposals for me. "Not every proposal is same, Gautum. You must give chance to everyone. When it clicks it hardly takes time for things to move forward.", Papa expresses his usual optimism over the call. "If nothing has materialized in one year, then how do you expect things to work now?", comes the reply from my usual pessimism. Papa hangs-up the line after a little bit of usual chit-chat. Ok, let's check the train timetable. "The last train from I-880 Milipitas leaves at 12:25 am. 12:25 am. 12:25 am. Remember GG", the inner voice is sometime useful.
So I take the train out to my office. Most of the folks in the train are Indians, some going to watch the movie in "Great Mall" while some are headed to downtown for their rendezvous in some pub. So heads turn, when I am the only person, with my laptop bag, to get down at "I-880 Milipitas" station. I could see those eyeballs roll and speak "What he is doing? Why he is slogging so hard? Why he is missing on all the fun of life?". I listen quietly and proceed to my destination, my office.
It's 10:15 pm by the time I reach office. Same climb of two floors. Same pride of climbing 130 odd floors in the gym earlier in the evening. Well 130 floors in 25 minutes or 5 kilometers in 35 minutes is an achievement but I am sort of obsessed with it. It gives me a high when I do it again and again. There is something about health numbers which fascinates me no end. Anyways, the office kind of feels spooky so late in night with not a single soul around. "Are there ghosts around then? Have you seen a vampire?", the inner voice would just not shut-up. I have been watching "Twlight: Breaking Dawn" of late, more for the beautiful actress than its story. But thought of ghosts and vampires is scary. I could see my tiny hair raise and feel a strange chill down my spine. So admist uncertainty of my life's direction, fear of failure of another proposal, nightmares related to my parents and thoughts of ghost and vampire, I wait for the time when I will call Pooja.
"Where is this life headed, dude? What are you doing here so far away from home?" comes the inner voice. "Please let me be. I am tired from a busy week. I am sick of the same questions again and again", that's my way of dodging my inner voice's questions. The usual inner commotion ensues but I have no mental strength left to think any more. I eventually doze-off.
"What is Ma doing? Is she in kitchen? No, she is not in kitchen. Is she in her bed room sleeping? No, she ins't there either. Is she in the varendah? Where is she? Where is Papa? Where is his watch? Is he not at home? Has he gone to the ashram? What time is it? It's 10:00 pm. Then why is nobody at home today? Everybody is at home at 10 in the night. Is Ma okay? Is Papa okay? Where are they. Please, someone, someone please tell me where are Ma and Papa.Why is it so dark here? Can someone switch on the lights?", and I finally woke up from another fearful dream where I am not able to find Ma and Papa at home. A dream where I do not know where they are and if they are well. Another nightmare, I wish happens to no one.
Its 9:30 pm now. I see the lights on the router beaming which meant that the internet connectivity was back. I am still sobering up from the nightmare. I want to call Ma and Papa. It is Saturday morning in India. I call Ma but she is not picking up her phone. I call Papa but I get the message in a melodious voice from a lady, "The person whom you are calling is currently busy. Please hold the line or call later". I bet this lady maybe 50 years old now as I have been hearing her voice since eternity. Even though I could not speak to him but I was relieved that he was speaking to someone. Let's get to the movie then. It's amazing how the mind changes it's state so quickly.
I boot the laptop. Another gmail check. No new email...As I am reading down the already read list of the emails I see email from "Pooja Goyal". Did I give her time tonight to speak for the matrimonial proposal? Yes it looks like from the emails. What time is it supposed to happen? 12:00 pm IST. "Good God, Who kept this ungodly time for a call?", another pathetic plea from inner voice. But who set the time, dumb head. You only dearest GG. "Leave it. Do not call her. Its just another proposal which will go nowhere. Girl is nicely settled in India and that to in Delhi. She will never come to US and surely not for a guy like you...", says the inner voice. "But I gave her time. I must speak to her, for her sake, for her parent's sake, for my parent's word and for my own word. I can't back out now", comes the reply from the modern day Yudhishter. "Even if nothing materializes, I must attend the call for professional reasons. I work in a world class company and I have imbibed certain qualities. So, I must keep up the standards even if my interaction happens for personal reasons.", comes another set of mere-asol-mere-adarsh inflated words. "I warned you, but you just won't listen.", the inner voice gives up.
Meanwhile Papa calls up. His voice is always so comforting and calm but today it meant much more. He asks if I was able to reach out to Pooja. I tell him that we are slated to speak tonight. "Papa, the internet is intermittently stops working. I am not sure if it will hold up during the call with her?", I tell him the problem. "So what will you do?" Papa enquirers. "Should I go to the office, then?", I suggest a solution. "Haan, that will work. Office internet should be reliable enough.", Papa shoots back. That got approved faster than shooting down of my pleas of not pursuing any more matrimonial proposals for me. "Not every proposal is same, Gautum. You must give chance to everyone. When it clicks it hardly takes time for things to move forward.", Papa expresses his usual optimism over the call. "If nothing has materialized in one year, then how do you expect things to work now?", comes the reply from my usual pessimism. Papa hangs-up the line after a little bit of usual chit-chat. Ok, let's check the train timetable. "The last train from I-880 Milipitas leaves at 12:25 am. 12:25 am. 12:25 am. Remember GG", the inner voice is sometime useful.
So I take the train out to my office. Most of the folks in the train are Indians, some going to watch the movie in "Great Mall" while some are headed to downtown for their rendezvous in some pub. So heads turn, when I am the only person, with my laptop bag, to get down at "I-880 Milipitas" station. I could see those eyeballs roll and speak "What he is doing? Why he is slogging so hard? Why he is missing on all the fun of life?". I listen quietly and proceed to my destination, my office.
It's 10:15 pm by the time I reach office. Same climb of two floors. Same pride of climbing 130 odd floors in the gym earlier in the evening. Well 130 floors in 25 minutes or 5 kilometers in 35 minutes is an achievement but I am sort of obsessed with it. It gives me a high when I do it again and again. There is something about health numbers which fascinates me no end. Anyways, the office kind of feels spooky so late in night with not a single soul around. "Are there ghosts around then? Have you seen a vampire?", the inner voice would just not shut-up. I have been watching "Twlight: Breaking Dawn" of late, more for the beautiful actress than its story. But thought of ghosts and vampires is scary. I could see my tiny hair raise and feel a strange chill down my spine. So admist uncertainty of my life's direction, fear of failure of another proposal, nightmares related to my parents and thoughts of ghost and vampire, I wait for the time when I will call Pooja.
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